Oh, yes, anger.  The emotion you’re not supposed to have.  Growing up I always felt it was wrong to get angry. That nice girls put on nice faces and use nice words. While I definitely think we should strive to be loving and grateful toward others, I also think anger has its place.

I have been learning more about the mindfulness approach to emotions, and it has been very helpful for me. Instead of judging an emotion like anger as bad and tying to shove it out of the way, I just acknowledge its presence and the reactions it is causing in me. I notice my breath becoming labored, and my pulse becoming faster. Here’s the important thing to mindfulness — don’t intellectualize the emotion, just feel it.

It is important to feel our feelings and not to push away an uncomfortable feeling when it arises. Honestly, the harder you push away an emotion, the deeper it becomes lodged inside you only to resurface later in your relationships or your health. There is so much talk about releasing our unwanted emotions, as if we could hit an eject button and they would fly away. I believe the way to release them is by moving through them. We release by feeling completely, with acceptance toward ourselves and all our varied emotions.

For more info on mindfulness: Mindfulness of Emotions by Insight Meditation Center

Most women have not even been able to touch this anger, except to drive it inward like a rusted nail.
Adrienne Rich

 I am not the best listener in the world. I too desperately want to be heard. This desperation keeps me always ready to interject my thoughts at the next space in the conversation. I often feel that the person I’m speaking with wants to be as desperately heard as me. Thus, the conversation goes like this:

“Listen to me.”

“OK, now listen to me.”

“That’s nice, now listen to me.”

Most people aren’t even conscious of what is happening, but they do recognize the emptiness they feel after one of these conversations.

This is why I am so grateful for someone who truly listens to me. They can break the desperate “Listen to me” cycle. Once I feel listened to, I relax and feel so much more open to completely listening to the other person.

I am going to strive to listen more. Not the kind of listening that lets you feed into your next line, but real sincere listening. I suspect that the more I listen, the more I will be heard.

You must be the change you want to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi