Dance of Gratitude » Siri’s musings

Boredom

Siri — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 20:32:02 +0000

Boredom. It is my least tolerable of emotions. Even anger and frustration seem easier. In fact, I often shift boredom into one of these emotions just to relieve the feel of it.

Why is boredom so intolerable? Is it because it feels like such a waste of the day? That there is something “out there” amazing and great, and I am not taking part in it. Is it because what I am right now is not enough? That I must do something to prove I am enough. That I need excitement to prove that life is valuable.

What would it look like if I fully embraced boredom? Wouldn’t it be great just to sit and not feel the need to do anything? Isn’t this what contentment feels like?

“Boredom: The desire for desires.”

~Leo Tolstoy

Wild Flowers

Siri — Mon, 19 May 2008 19:25:57 +0000

I am grateful for wild flowers. Recently, while looking at pictures of myself as a small child, I was surprised by the number of photos of me with wild flowers in my hair. It seemed like such a natural, joyous thing to do.

How did I get away from doing small things that bring such joy? Now my brain is wired for responsibility and obligation. But picking wild flowers certainly doesn’t fit into those categories. I want to get back to that place where picking wild flowers is second nature, and I don’t have to justify a reason to do it.

Earth laughs in flowers.Ralph Waldo Emerson

Check out the Lady Bird Johnson Wildfower Center.

Mud Pies

Siri — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 02:41:04 +0000

Aren’t mud pies so freeingly fun? I loved playing in the mud as a child, and making mud pies was a favorite past time. In my five year old mind, it ranked right up there with tire swings and puppies. I still remember the dirt’s earthy smell and grainy wet texture as it squished between my fingers and toes. I’d start my mud pies by taking the water hose and running it over a spot in the yard, usually taking out an ant mound here and there along the way. Then, I took a cake pan and piled mud into it. I derived such pleasure in smoothing the top layer of the mud so that it was even with the top of the pan. Then, after all that effort, I dumped out the pan and did it all over again.

As a child, I did things like this for the pure pleasure of them. Imagine if I had said to myself, “Well, no one can eat mud pies so I shouldn’t go about building them.” This sounds absurd to a child, but as an adult, I regularly deny myself enjoyable experiences because they are not considered productive or useful.

Mud pies remind me that joy and pleasure ARE useful, and anything we do that creates them is worthwhile.

I do it for the joy it brings, cause I’m a joyful girl. ‘Cause the world owes us nothing, we owe each other the world. Ani Difranco

A Listening Ear

Siri — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 21:10:56 +0000

I am not the best listener in the world. I too desperately want to be heard. This desperation keeps me always ready to interject my thoughts at the next space in the conversation. I often feel that the person I’m speaking with wants to be as desperately heard as me. Thus, the conversation goes like this:

“Listen to me.”

“OK, now listen to me.”

“That’s nice, now listen to me.”

Most people aren’t even conscious of what is happening, but they do recognize the emptiness they feel after one of these conversations.

This is why I am so grateful for someone who truly listens to me. They can break the desperate “Listen to me” cycle. Once I feel listened to, I relax and feel so much more open to completely listening to the other person.

I am going to strive to listen more. Not the kind of listening that lets you feed into your next line, but real sincere listening. I suspect that the more I listen, the more I will be heard.

You must be the change you want to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi

2007

Siri — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 23:24:01 +0000

Wow, what a year. 2007, with all of its inconceivable blessings and growing pains, transformed me.

We meet today
To thank Thee for the era done,
And Thee for the opening one.
John Greenleaf Whittier

Trying New Things

Siri — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 23:28:31 +0000

I thrive on novelty. When at a restaurant, I’m always ready to say “Pass me that blobby stuff.” If I don’t like a dish, I figure I’ve learned from the experience. As carefree as I am at applying this “try new things” philosophy to foods and other trivial matters, I’m painfully cautious when it comes to more serious matters in my life. Should I apply for that job? What if I’m stuck with a horrible boss? What if I hate the work? I’m much less adventurous with bigger aspects of my life because if they don’t work out I tend to see them as failures. Maybe it’s time to take a lesson from the “blobby stuff” and realize all the decisions in my life require me to take a big bite out of the unknown.

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.Thomas Edison

The Present

Siri — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 20:50:33 +0000

I am grateful for the present moment. When you untangle your mind from the concerns of twenty minutes ago and the lists of what you have to do tomorrow, the present moment offers such opportunity and peace. When you look closely at the colors and patterns of life happening right in front of you, then simple things like the texture of a dish sponge are miraculous.

Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life.” Thich Nhat Hanh

When we yield to discouragement it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future.
St. Therese of Lisieux

Suffering

Siri — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 17:54:42 +0000

I have learned to appreciate suffering. Every time I suffer I transform in ways unimaginable. Although my mind can’t wrap around suffering in a world with an all-loving, all-knowing God, I can’t deny the beautiful transformative nature of suffering.

“Deep unspeakable suffering may well be called a baptism, a regeneration, the initiation into a new state.” George Eliot

Intuition

Siri — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 05:30:59 +0000

When I follow my gut, my world falls into place. So often we grow up learning that we should do this and we should do that. We learn to ignore that voice in our head in favor of what it is responsible and expected. Learning to follow our inner instincts, even against the dreaded “should,” is the first step in empowering ourselves to live a more authentic life.

“I feel there are two people inside me — me and my intuition. If I go against her, she’ll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.” Kim Basinger